Friday Geek Comedy Hour: Pick-up lines

By Grant Jacobs 18/12/2009 1

A short collection of “scientific” pick up lines.

The list below is inspired by a short blog post “Best Geek Pickup Line Ever”  by Ed Brayton who writes Dispatches from the Culture Wars.

I’ve trawled the ‘net and added a few more, avoiding the truly tasteless. Trust me, there are plenty of those… Even without those, this is a list of truly unrealistic pick-up lines!

As commenters at Ed’s site said, most of these would get you slapped. Hard. And if you didn’t get slapped you’d either get some damn funny looks followed by the target of your delicately crafted pearl of erudition carefully retreating backwards or gales of hysterical giggling.

My picks are biased to biology, computer science & maths because I’m a computational biologist. Some of the, ahem, “deeper” physics jokes I just. Do. Not. Get. Many of these are, of course, incredibly corny. Suggest your own favourites in the comments!

And, please people, a little class. The truly smutty lines, well, I’ll moderate them into a little pulped up masses that you’ll never see.

So! Without further ado:

Meeting you is like a switch to polar coordinates: complex and imaginary things are given a magnitude and a direction.

If I were an enzyme, I’d be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your genes.

There are many proofs of my theorem, but you are far and away the most elegant.

I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.

If I were a nucleic acid, I would be RNA. That way, I could have U!

I wish I were sin squared and you were cos squared so that together we could be one!

Are you a transcriptional activator? Because you’re turning me on.

I’m Oxygen, you’re Potassium: we’re OK.

You make my anoxic sediments want to increase their redox potential.

Looking at you, the creationists may have a point after all.

Binary: You really flip my bits!

Binary redux: !stib ym pilf yllaer ouY

One wit replied to one of these lists with (see this chat group):

I’d respond with:

1. Sorry, I don’t date outside my phylum.

2. My microscope only goes to 100X.

3. Does your neuron only fire on alternate Wednesdays?

NewScientist has published it’s pick of winners and runner-ups from their “Flirt with science” competition.

Excruciatingly, some of these were actually used (see the full article):

I need a seed for my pseudo-random number generator – could I have your phone number? (Ian Marshall, Palo Alto, California, US)

You’re so sweet I am developing insulin resistance. (Alex Carlton, Bradford on Avon, Wiltshire, UK)

Did you know that if oysters had no natural enemies, in 10 years the world would be 28 miles deep in oysters? (“We married in 1968 and are still going strong.”) (Michael Boddy, Binalong, New South Wales, Australia)

I know, I know. Probably a few notches below my post on crazy scientific journal titles and research. But, hey, life’s short, eh?

Readers are welcome to offer their own pick-up lines or replies.

If you don’t get some of these, ask! There’s real, actual science behind most of these…

Other entertainment or fun posts in Code for life:

Neti pots now validated as sound science?

Royal science

Snake coughs up new species

Craziest research paper titles, awards and authors

Visual illusions, change blindness and autism

World’s largest bacteria

Fellatio by Fruit Bats Prolongs Copulation Time

Monkey business, or is my uncle also my Dad?

Small world pictures

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