What not to say to someone who is being stalked

By Brendan Moyle 12/10/2010

As this issue grinds on, weeks on, I have developed some strong feelings as to what not to say to someone in this position 🙂

The first, is don’t say that you must be flattered at this attention. Stalkers aren’t motivated by some mild infatuation. It’s an obsession. And it’s one that is based on an imagined and fantastical belief. You don’t get stalked because of who you are, you get stalked for what the stalker imagines you are.

So this is no puerile male fantasy come true, where some pliant lovesick woman wants to love you. This is a disturbing pursuit by an obsessed person, wanting to control and manipulate your behaviour. There is nothing flattering about it.

The second is getting told to ignore it. Again, this under-estimates the effect of stalking. So what if the woman doesn’t live in the same country as me? It’s obvious she has mental health problems, she makes dozens of posts a day directed at me. There are the pleading and cajoling posts to establish communications. There are the threatening posts. There are the posts motivated by incandescent rage- threatening to destroy or ruin me- by contacting work or family. This goes on day after day, week after week.

She know where I live. She’s one economy class ticket away from me.

Somehow ignoring the obsessed, sometimes enraged, mentally-ill woman who knows where I live and work, & posts about me continuously, doesn’t actually work as a source of relief.

0 Responses to “What not to say to someone who is being stalked”

  • Brendon, this sounds horrible!
    I agree, stalking not something to ignore, to “lighten up” on; This sort of thing is a drain emotionally, and affects all your relationships with people.
    All I can say is stay strong, and I sympathise with what you are going through- I have been a freak-magnet several times…

  • Yeah, it’s been a revelation to me just how unsettling and disturbing this can be. And to my dismay, how many women I’ve met have had to endure this too, with the much more palpable threat of physical risk.

    It does affect relationships too- even if it’s just having anxiety levels inflated for months. I’m hoping things are starting to turn.