How to be a successful stalker

By Brendan Moyle 28/10/2011

Disclaimer: the following is intended as black humour, not encouragement to be a stalker. If you have stalker tendencies you need help. Seriously. The voices aren’t your friend.

When we look at the careers of two recent prolific cyberstalkers (David Mabus and Dawn Gordon), we can see that they have managed to convert this skill into an occupation that goes on for years.  You may think being a cyberstalker is risky, but in actual fact it can be done with near impunity.

So, what exactly sort of qualifications do you need?

The traditional standby of having a mental illness still applies. If you’re going to spend hours per day on the internet, tracking and following your victims, then clearly, an attachment to the real world will be a hindrance.

The neat thing now, is that getting on the web is so much easier. In the early 1990s, the internet was the preserve of people who worked in academic and research institutions, supplemented by some relatively wealthy technology-enamored individuals. Now you can stroll into libraries or cafes or even use a cellphone.  You can be poor and crazy and cyberstalk. In fact, being poor is probably a consequence of being a mentally-ill cyberstalker in the first instance.

Now people might think that being a stalker is wrong, and that your victims have rights. You will be stopped. This is of course just a myth. Of course your victims don’t have rights. There are all kinds of institutions that will enable and support you in your stalking behaviour.  You have the right to make other people’s lives hell. Don’t worry, nobody is going to try to stop you. They’ll just make the issue the victim’s problem.

So for example, you can send hundreds of pages of emails a day to a victim. If your victim tries to complain, they’ll be told to block your email. Because as far everyone knows, people are only allowed one email account on the internet- ever- in their entire lives. IT security is based on the premise you can’t set up a new email account. Brilliant stuff huh? And you’re not at fault for sending the emails. It’s really your victims fault. If they didn’t want to be stalked, they should have blocked all your email accounts. Especially all the ones from the accounts they don’t know about.

If you don’t want to use email, there are other ways to get to your victims. You can use social media- facebook, twitter,  or the like. You can set up dedicated blogs with the sole purpose of harassing people. People will let you do this. So it must be all right.

If your victim complains, then hey, the service you’re using will probably back you. The victim will be given advice on how to block the blog. Of course, that doesn’t stop anyone else from reading your toxic diatribes.  See, a lot of people who monitor abuse think that stalking is done by sane people. People who have a mild infatuation. Something that will ebb after a month or two. So the victim has next to no chance to be taken seriously. You can keep doing this for years. The victim will just keep getting the same spiel- block-and-ignore, she’ll go away eventually. The fact that various institutions won’t ban you for stalking (even with anti-stalking policies), proves you’re not doing anything wrong.  This is what makes being a successful stalker so easy. Nobody believes the victim that you’re bat-shit-crazy. Do whatever the voices tell you to, it’s all fine. Nobody is going to stop you.

Or will they? David Mabus was eventually caught because he threatened a member of the Canadian law enforcement system.  So the trick here is not to threaten your victim. Let’s look at a sample of posts made to me:

’…get ready to have your life destroyed’

’…I am going to ruin your life.’

’…I am going to make your life hell

I will make sure you regret it to your living breathing days…You watch. You are going to be suffering by the end of this. Screaming to yourself

’by the time I am done with will be a crying suffering fool

’I will fuck you like you have never been fucked in your life’

Can you tell, which of these are not threats?

The answer is of course, all of them are not threats. These are all acceptable ways to communicate with your victim. They’re absolutely fine, they’re all up there with ‘come around for tea and crumpets‘. It’s an easy mistake to make if you’re not reading the remarks in the proper way.

The neat thing too about your victim being told to ignore and block you as much as possible, means they won’t be collating incriminating evidence against you. This is just one more service offered by IT security on your behalf. Complaints against you will be hindered by this advice given to the victim.

And the neat thing too, is one of reasons no-one will stop you is because nobody takes your threats seriously. After-all, people who hear voices telling them to do things, are such model citizens. And crazy-people, it’s a well-known fact that unlike the rest of the world, crazy people aren’t aware of things like air-travel. So the victim has nothing to worry about. Whoever heard of a stalker traveling to meet a victim and killing them?*

* Sarcasm alert if you didn’t pick it up the first time

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