October Science Horror-scopes

By Peter Dearden 01/10/2010


By Doc. Chaos

VirgoI’m sorry. I’m so sorry. None of your cloning will work this month. (next month you will randomly check your stocks and find them contaminated — problem solved!)
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TaurusYou will discover a new type of fungus growing in your cultures. No Nobel Prize for you — but your glassware will be the prettiest colour for 3 washes. (Your tubes were the blue labelled ones right?)
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ScorpioYour relationships will get better. The ones in your lab, I mean. Your love life is probably screwed.
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SagittariusYou will die in a fire. Or set something on fire. Or blow something up. My vision is obscured — by smoke.
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PiscesExams. Exams are in your future — either through sitting them, writing them or marking them. Maybe you see someone else sitting/writing/marking exams. It’s going to happen — trust me.
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LibraThere will be no milo for you this month. The tea room will always be out when you turn up for a cuppa. You’ll think it a conspiracy, but it’s just fate. You should just go buy chocolate now.
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LeoThat secret diary you keep on your shelf between the blue textbook and the white conference proceedings will be found. And read. And everyone will know you fancy the HOD. How embarrassing!
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GeminiThis month you will put your iPod on to play in the lab — only you’ll leave it on shuffle — whole library shuffle. Everyone will know you still like Britney. She was sooo last year. Honestly.
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CapricornYou might get lucky this month. You keep your fingers crossed yeah? That always works.
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CancerThe hair cut you get this month will be horrible. It’ll be that in-between length, too short to tie up, too long to stay out of your face and your eppendorfs. (has anyone else told you that you pipette too close to your face?!).
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AriesYou will inexplicitly fall off the step ladder and have to fill in an incident report. Oh no — an incident report! (Alternately, you look over your shoulder at the last minute and see me coming — no report to fill in!)
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AquariusA secret will come out this month. That secret you were talking about with your friend in the tea room when you thought no one was in the seminar room quietly listening. Yeah, that one.