Global (Gullible?) Wellness Naturally

By Michael Edmonds 11/06/2012 8


The Global Wellness Naturally website sells a range of elixirs containing “programmed water”. Amongst the various elixirs available are those formulated to:

  • work with energy levels and toxins in the body
  • loosen tight muscles, tendons and ligaments
  • to address damaged DNA, heavy metals, radiation, free radicals and toxins
  • to ease sorrow and anger

So how is this “miraculous” programmed water produced? Well according to the website

A formula is created from the Body Talkâ„¢ protocol by my guides which is then printed and taped to the bottles so that the water can read it.  After about six days, the elixir is ready to be set with vodka.  The vodka acts as a preservative, fixing and protecting the energy frequency that has been placed into the bottle.

“Besides the Body Talkâ„¢, I use gem stones, aromatherapy, flower essences, color, movement and Sacred Geometry.  I am also experimenting with Rife Frequencies and hertz.  I do not use a frequency generator or sound but simply write it down and tape it to the bottle so the water can read it.  That is sufficient for the vibrational frequency to be programmed into the water.”

Amazing, programmed water appears to merge virtually every type of pseudoscience that has been imagined over the past 200 years- all that seems to be missing is animal entrails and a sprinkling of pixie dust.

But what really gets me is the disclaimer at the bottom of the web page written in a tiny font

“GLOBAL WELLNESS NATURALLY PRODUCTS do not intend, and our products are not intended to, diagnose, prescribe, or treat any condition, disease, illness, or injury of the body.
WWW.GLOBALWELLNESSNATURALLY.COM and its distributors accept no responsibility for such use.
Anyone suffering from any condition, disease, illness or injury should always consult a Physician”

So can someone tell me exactly what they are used for then?

This “imply everything, but promise nothing” approach used to peddle various forms of pseudoscience drives me nuts. In any other sector of trade it would be considered unethical/illegal. Could you imagine buying a car that comes with the following disclaimer:

“The manufacturers of this vehicle do not intend, nor are our vehicles intended, to provide any means of transport, locomotion or translocation of people, goods or other items. We accept no responsibility for any such use”

Of course not. So why on earth do we allow pseudoscience such freedom?


8 Responses to “Global (Gullible?) Wellness Naturally”

  • Who’d have thought that water could read?

    “GLOBAL WELLNESS NATURALLY PRODUCTS do not intend, and our products are not intended to, diagnose, prescribe, or treat any condition, disease, illness, or injury of the body.
    http://WWW.GLOBALWELLNESSNATURALLY.COM and its distributors accept no responsibility for such use.
    Anyone suffering from any condition, disease, illness or injury should always consult a Physician”

    – ah yes, the Quack Miranda statement: covers a multitude of ills (no pun intended). I cannot understand how people could see that & still buy this stuff. (Even as a source of alcohol it’s still jolly expensive!) I suppose the small print size helps.

  • I swear if they were based in NZ I’d have them before the Advertising Standards Authority so fast their programmed water would be dizzy.

  • Alison, those initiated into Altmed know the company puts it there because The Man is trying to keep them down. It’s all “wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more…”

  • The key here is the vodka – the “programmed water” (alcohol) simply dulls the senses to the pain/illness, and if you don’t know that you’re unwell, you must be better!

  • ShadowMind, interesting thought about the vodka, but I suspect they probably put very little in, so such an effect is unlikely (though far more likely than the water being able to read the frequency!!)

    Kemo sabe, you are right, one seldom comes across such a potpourii of such concentrated tripe, though it is a common observation that different types of pseudoscience do tend to cluster together, perhaps because if someone is gullible enough to embrace one type of pseudoscience they are open to other types.